Help Not Wanted
by Admiral T. DeVanto
Summary: Rael gets into an argument...with the self check-out machine. This is why Frankenstein should never send the young assassin out shopping for anything.


Rael scowled as he glared at the offending machine. The grocery bags to his right were waiting to be placed in the cart, but he had learned not to remove the bags until the machine was done scanning everything. He still didn't understand why he needed to use the self-checkout instead of having someone else scan his food, but the lines had been long, and everyone insisted that he get out of line and scan his one bag of cream and a bag of peaches.

Filthy humans. Telling him what to do! If it weren't for the Noblesse, his brother, Seira, and the house owner (basically, everyone) he would have put those humans in their place! Oh yes he would!

With a frustrated huff, Rael swiped the coupon once more in the scanner. He watched as the screen flickered blue for a faint moment, and his hopes soared…

...only to be dashed to pieces as the offending machines voice said " _please scan your coupon."_

"I did," Rael grumbled. "Twice!" He swiped the card again. The coupon would only take five dollars off, but the house owner had insisted that he use it for the cream, so Rael was stuck trying to get the coupon accepted by the arrogant machine.

"Just take the filthy card!" he fummed, swiping fiercely at the machine with the flimsy paper.

" _Unable to identify. Please try again."_

Rael gritted his teeth, breathing in deeply to calm himself down. The nearby customers eyed him warily, backing away ever so slowly.

"Of course pathetic humans would invent a useless machine like you," Rael grumbled. He swiped at the machine again, only to receive a red 'x' on the screen. "What! What did I do!?" he exclaimed helplessly.

" _Help is on the way."_

"I don't need help! I just need you to read my coupon so I can go home!" he wailed, kicking at the machine.

" _Help is on the way."_

At that point, Rael was glaring fiercely at the machine, wishing to melt it with his gaze. "I am the member of the Kertia Clan, and I will not be mocked!"

"Um, sir?" a voice asked hesitantly.

"What?" Rael demanded, turning around to face the startled human. The poor girl took a step back, eyeing him nervously.

"Um, let me assist you with this," she said quickly, scurrying over and swiping a card at the machine. In that moment, the machine glowed blue once more. "Now, scan your coupon."

Grumbling, Rael strode forward and swiped his coupon. To his disbelief, a green check mark appeared on the screen.

" _Item received. One cream."_

Rael could only stare as the problem was fixed. Turning to look at the girl, he pointed at her card. "Hey, can I have your card?"

The girl just chuckled. "Oh, you're a funny guy," she said with a laugh before scurrying away to help another customer.

Rael blinked in confusion. Had he said something funny? Was she mocking him? Oh, if she was mocking him, then Rael was going to…

...No! He could not harm the humans! Word would get back to his brother, the houseowner, Seira (basically everyone) and he could not let that happen.

With a sigh, Rael turned to scan the peaches.

" _Item number required."_

Rael frowned. Okay, that seemed simple enough. Opening the bag, Rael heled up one peach, staring at the sticker. He squinted. Was that item number starting off with a six, or an eight?

His eyes flickered over to the human next to him. The elderly lady was also scanning her food as well, and she seemed to be scanning her fruits and vegetables without any problems. Well, if she was scanning her food just fine, than she could probably be of some help.

It was humiliating, asking a human for help. But Rael didn't want to be in this store any longer than he had to, and if seeking help from this primitive species would get him home sooner, than he would suffer.

"Hey, human-uh, lady," Rael quickly amended. The last time he had called another human by such a term, he had received odd glances and suspicious frowns. Right, he was pretending to be a human as well. Clearing his throat to cover up his blunder, he leaned over to the elderly woman he was addressing. "What number is this?"

With shaking hands, the woman placed her glasses on her thin nose. Rael frowned, realizing that he probably should seek help from someone else. But the old lady was already slipping her glasses on and taking the peach from his hand. Squinting, she tried to look at the sticker. "I think this number is...eight, three, zero."

Rael nodded, typing in the numbers. "Eight, three, zero," he repeated.

"No, wait," she said, pulling the peach closer. "Maybe that's another eight."

Rael frowned. "Eight, eight, zero?"

"No, maybe it is a three."

"Three, eight?"

"Hm, perhaps that's just a zero."

"Oh?"

"No, zero," the woman said.

"Give me that!" Rael growled, swiping the peach away and glaring at the sticker. With swift movements, he typed in the number he thought he saw. Ha! So it was eight, three zero! With a satisfied huff, he nodded to himself. "There we go. And they're on sale. The Boss will be happy and...gah-what?" he stuttered.

" _Unexpected item in bagging area. Please try again."_

"No, no, no," Rael said quickly, shaking his head.

" _Help is on the way."_

"I told you I don't need help!" he exclaimed. But, needless to say, Rael turned to face the hesitant woman yet again. "This thing is possessed!"

The woman just stared at him. "Sir, please do not shout such abuse at the machine."

"It's a machine! Created by you human-gah-people! Just fix it," he grumbled, folding his arms. To his growing indignation, the machine seemed to prefer the woman's card over his coupon.

Playing favorites, huh?

With a grumble, Rael withdrew his credit card, ready to pay. He was pleased with the use of credit cards, as it was a convenient way for him to spend his money. With a quick swipe of his card, he should be ready to go.

" _Unauthorized card. Please try again."_

Rael blinked. "What?" he stuttered. He stared at his card before hesitantly swiping it again. It had to be an error, right?

" _Unauthorized card. Please try again."_

"Alright, shut up," he hissed. Already, he was receiving suspicious glances from the humans nearby. The last thing he needed was to be suspected of theft.

" _Unauthorized card. Please try again."_

"I said shut up you little insect!" he growled. He looked up with growing panic when he realized that a scowling store manager was coming towards him.

" _Help is on the-"_

"Alright!" Rael exclaimed, pulling out his wallet and stuffing wads of cash into the machine. "I'll pay with cash instead! Take it you greedy bucket of bolts!"

The suspicious glances he was receiving only grew, but Rael could care less.

" _Thank you for shopping."_

"Yeah right," Rael grumbled, grabbing his bags and storming out of the store with his things. Just as he stepped out and into freedom, his phone began to ring. With a sigh, he answered it. "Yes?"

" _Ah, Rael,"_ Frankenstein said pleasantly. " _I have one more request for you, since you are out. Can you pick up some milk as well?"_

"..."


End file.
